J. Landis Weaver

Why do I tell you all this? I think the confusion surrounding his preference for a name is indicative of his personality. He was a very complex man. Most people thought of dad as a very secure person. He tried very hard to project that image. He did this by rehearsing in private much of what he said in public. In fact, he lived with the constant fear that he would lose control of whatever situation he found himself in. He feared the possibility of making a fool of himself more than anything else. Consequently he tried desperately to avoid new experiences. In spite of that he accomplished much. He graduated as valedictorian of his class in high school, although his shyness prevented him from giving the speech, so they gave that honor to another person. He conquered some of that shyness and became a Sunday School teacher most of his life. He built dozens of homes all by himself. He raised a family of 6 children who all turned out to be fairly successful, although we all inherited some of his insecurities.

I wish I had understood him more in my early years. I think I would have appreciated him much more than I did. It was only in later years as I became aware of his vulnerability that I began to feel close to him. As I look back on my own life, I now realize how many of my father's personality traits have also become mine. It sometimes scares me when I realize that I have become Landis. I do think my demons were fewer and somewhat less powerful than his were. Perhaps in some strange way he helped me fight them. I like to think so.

He taught me much that was worthwhile. As I was growing up, I learned many of his skills as a tradesman. I don't think I could hang a door properly, but then I never had to. He said that you could always judge a carpenter by how he hangs a door. My love of poetry came from hearing him read poems aloud to his children. His book of 101 Poems was well worn when he died. He was also a writer of sorts. Before he died, he sat down and wrote his autobiography. It's a pretty good story.

One of his qualities that impressed me was his willingness to go out on a limb in support of the underdog. He was always very interested in politics, although he never voted in an election. He felt that participating in the electoral process would violate his stance as a non-resistant Mennonite. He generally supported the Republican Party, although he was fascinated with Robert Kennedy. I really think dad would have made a great Democrat if he had allowed himself to take such a drastic step. He held many rather liberal views in religion and in politics. This was unusual for a man raised as a Mennonite in the early part of this century. I ended up much further to the left than he did, but he never tried to talk me out of my choices.

After mother's death in 1979, I began to spend some regular time with Dad. For 12 years, Mary and I visited him on a regular basis. I became close to him and learned to love him very much. I still miss him, especially when I am writing and almost sense him looking over my shoulder.

What do you think, Dad? Did I hit the nail on the head? I am sure my readers won't get that pun. You see, when I worked with him I used to miss the nails when I was hammering. He would needle me until I got mad and began hitting the nails hard on the head. Then he would always say, "See Jay, all you had to do was get mad at it!" Hey Dad, I've gotten "mad at it" pretty often down through the years. Thanks for showing me how. I love you very much. In spite of all our differences as I grew up, I think you were a pretty great Dad. You never conquered all your fears, but then I guess none of us ever does. I appreciate all you did for me. Have a happy Father's Day. Love, Jay

Nb. I did want to add that the picture on this page stood on my parent's dresser for as long as I can remember. He was a rather handsome man, and was always rather proud of that fact, although he never would have admitted it.