The title page has been torn out of the book so I do not know who published it, nor when it was published. If it is still under copyright, I apologize to the owner of same. However, I think it is older than that. If there are no lawsuits and if I summon up enough courage, I may share more of these with you in the future.

These definitions are from an older time and more subtle and much more corny than the stuff being passed around the internet today. Hang Loose.

Don't Fall Off the Wagon

ABSTINENCE From the Persian ab, water, and stein, or tankard. Hence, water tankard, or "water wagon."

AFTERTHOUGHT A tardy sense of prudence that prompts one to try to shut his mouth about the time he has put his foot in it.

ALPHABET A toy for the children found in books, blocks, pictures and vermicelli soup. Contains 26 letters and only three syllables.

ANCESTORS The originators of the Family Tree, a remarkable sex paradox in which the Ann sisters are always the four fathers.

ARGUMENT Breaking and entering the ear, assault and battery on the brain and disturbing the peace.

AUGUR One who bored the ancients with prophecies.

BACHELOR From Latin baculus, a stick, unattached. Hence, an unattached man, which any lady may stick, stick to, or get stuck on.

BIGAMY A form of insanity in which a man insists on paying three board bills instead of two.

BLUBBER the useful product of a dead whale. The useless product of a live baby.

BRASS BAND A clever though somewhat complicated arrangement for holding a crowd together.

BUM a fallen tough.

BUMP a tough fall.