A Very Wise Marmot

Each year on February 2, we celebrate a very important occasion. Many claim that Punxsutawney Phil from Punxsutawney, PA is the true prognosticator. However, those of us from Lancaster County, PA know that this is false. It is Octorara Orphie who is the king of the whistle pig prognosticators. If Orphie sees his shadow, he will return to his burrow and there will be six more weeks of winter. If he does not, spring is just around the corner. You must keep in mind that no one ever defined, "just around the corner."

If you check the record, you will find that whenever there was a conflict between Phil's and Orphie's predictions, it was always Orphie who was right. We know that he wouldn't lie. Of course, this depends on what the meaning of "was" was. After all, "seeing your shadow" is not really "seeing your shadow" if it is behind you. I think if a national poll were taken, 68% of the American people would support Octorara Orphie. Most of the public believe that because of global warming, it probably won't matter anyway during the ensuing millennium. Being wrong in seeing your shadow just does not rise to the level of high crimes and misdemeanors. Octorara Orphie has always been known as the "Comeback Marmot". He will survive. Note: If some of this language sounds familiar, this piece was written during President Clinton's troubled days in 1999.

Nevertheless, there are other ways in which we can know that spring is on its way. Here are some of the signs of spring that I have observed.

(1) December 21; The Winter Solstice marks the beginning of lengthening days. The sun starts getting higher in the sky.
(2) January 28; Around this time of year the average temperatures start to increase. It's getting warmer, dummy.
(3) February 2: Groundhog Day. We just discussed that. Geez! Aren't you listening?
(4) February 14; Valentine's Day. Isn't it true that the thoughts of young men lightly turn to thoughts of love in the springtime? It must be spring. Why else would cupid be up and about?
(5) February 22; Washington's Birthday is the day when my high school biology teacher, John "Chickie" Moyer, always saw the first robin of the year. He wouldn't lie! He just never learned that my sister's last name wasn't Martin.
(6) First Day of Lent; This has been a sign of spring for several millennia. "Lent" means lengthening days. I guess they didn't realized that the days were lengthening for several months before this day.
(7) March 15; The Ides of March. Of course, Julius Caeser wasn't too springy after that day. In fact, he never did warm up again. Mo-o-o-o-an!
(8) March 17; St. Patrick's Day. After all, if the snakes were out and about, it couldn't have been too cold in Ireland. This is the day the Irish march in New York City no matter how cold it is.
(9) March 21; The Vernal Equinox. Everyone recognizes this as the first day of spring. Good grief, by this time spring is half over. Nights and days are equal in length by this time, aren't they?
(10) April 1; All Fools Day. Just Kidding.
(11) Easter; When I was a kid, my barber always claimed Easter as the first day of spring. He was very smart. You don't get to be a barber without knowing such things.
(12) May 1; May Day. Dancing around the Maypole was a celebration of the coming of spring. What did that maypole represent anyway? Really?
(13) There is no 13th sign. After all, we don't want to bring superstition into this serious matter, do we?
(14) Memorial Day; Good grief, if it hasn't gotten warm yet, the groundhog probably died.

Shucks, I don't care anyway. I'm wintering in Florida with the robins. My wife just saw one last week.