Chust how many Dutchmen doss it take to change a lightbulp? Vel, dat chust depents. Iss da vife dere or not? If she's not, den you can get da latter unt qvickly do it all by yerself. If she's dere, den da shate must be cleant thoroughly before it goess back up. And dere are all dose qvestions. Like, "Vat sisse bulb vas in dere?", and "Can ya really put dose new-fankled curly bulbs in dere?"

Oh my, it chust goes on unt on. Den dere are da instructions, such as "Don't bump da vall mit da latter, and put yer shoess on first or you'll fall." By da time it is ofer, an hour has passed. Vel, now you know. If a Dutchman iss alone, it only takes von of you unt fife minutes, but if da vife is dere, it takes two of you's, and much, much lonker.

Vell, she chust callt me fer supper. Now you must know dat ven ve say "supper," ve mean vat you's call dinner. Ven ve say "dinner," ve're talking about vat you'ns call lunch. It's so confusin sumtimess. Anyvay, I said, "Vel, vat's for supper?" She says, "Vy, ve're having shrimp unt rice unt oranche chello." See, ve don't chust eat sourkraut unt shoofly pie. Vell, it all sounds purty gut. I guess I'll chust keep her. She'ss not too bat, unt she cooks real gut.

I vant'd to make somsin' clear. Vat you see here iss not da Pennsylvania Deutsch dialect. Dis iss da vay ve talk Enklish arount here. Gutbye.