Life is Much More Than a Party

He may have had a good point with his advice. I remember a couple that lived next door to us when we were in our thirties. They loved to play pinochle. What started out with an occasional pinochle game soon developed into an almost-every-night occurrence. He was a salesman and his job ended when he came home. I was a teacher and I still had a lot of work to do after dinner. There were always lessons to prepare, papers to grade, and tests to construct. I just didn't have the time to play pinochle every evening.

I remembered my daddy's warning. So I summoned all my courage and simply told my neighbor that this arrangement would not work. I suggested that we play on weekends, but not during the week. As I suspected my neighbor didn't take it well. We continued on a fairly friendly basis, but we never played pinochle again. We never should have gotten that "thick" with them.

Later, I had another neighbor who was a colleague where I was teaching. We became the best of friends, but we honored each other's time and space. We worked together and played together. He taught me how to fish and we raised a garden together. Our friendship has survived several disagreements, moving to different locations, and the test of time. Over the years we worked together at cutting firewood, helping each other with projects, and just sharing each other's joys and woes. That's what good friends do.

What was the difference in these two friendships? In the first it was a case of one party taking advantage of the other party. It was not a true friendship. It was simply a way of having a good time. That is not the basis for a lasting friendship. In the other case there was true mutual caring about each other.

I think my dad had a good idea, but I think his premise was wrong. There is nothing wrong with building true friendships among neighbors. However, it is a mistake to simply spend a lot of time together on a superficial basis. That leads to misunderstandings that often make life uncomfortable or even nasty with another neighbor. It is certainly wrong when a situation develops where one party is taking advantage of the other. Ann Landers always said, "Others can only take advantage of you if you allow it." Now that sounds like good advice.